Wanting Divine Union Doesn’t Make You Needy

love & relationships

You love your partner. You want to connect with them deeply.

But maybe they are busy – they work a lot. Or you are in an open relationship and they have other partners (There are many happy open relationships. But where jealousy is a big problem, we need to look deeper).

Or they are simply distracted from your relationship by a thousand other things.

Does this make you “needy” or “jealous”?

No. It makes you fully human.

Because humans are designed to connect deeply.


Merging is not Co-dependence.

Co-dependence is when two people need to be together to “complete” each other. They fill in each other’s weaknesses. Maybe one is in a strong state and the other is in a weakened state – and both want to keep it that way. Or they play to each other’s ego – one needs the other to be good looking or rich or important to make the other feel good about themselves. Or their fears glue them together – “if we stay together, we won’t be alone”.

There are hundreds of versions of co-dependence. The key is that none of them allow choice. There are always power struggles and conflict. Because deep down humans don’t like having choice taken away.

This is not what we are talking about.


True Merging Is Ecstasy

Deep down, we know that there is absolute bliss when we fully and deeply connect with another.

When we are young, our hormones try to find this connection through sex. And there is some pleasure and excitement. But we know that there is even more.

It’s like you have this incredible human standing in front of you whom you totally love. But they are more than just genitals. They are more than their bank account. They are more than just help with the kids.

They are this incredible, infinite, loving, human. And deep down, you know that your infinite self is meant to join with their infinite self and when this happens, fireworks will go off and you will fly to the moon or something!

Even if you can’t explain it or perhaps have never experienced it, you know it is possible. And as long as you don’t have it, you will continue to seek it.


The Whole Is Greater than the Sum of its Parts

This merging happens happens when we are two “whole” people. We are both strong, healthy, balanced people who could easily choose to be alone. Or we can choose to join with another. This is the difference between “co-dependence” and the choice to merge.

In fact, when we choose to fully open ourselves to someone and we allow true connection – in and out of the bedroom – incredible things happen! It doesn’t take away from us individually. We actually gain so much more.

Emotionally, when we can drop our guards and fully open our hearts to each other, we feel love that nourishes every cell of our being. We are safe to explore our sadness and grief with another. We are able to share our hopes and ponder possibilities and go places that we just can’t alone.

Sexually, when we are able to be fully open, present, and completely surrender to each other, we are connecting divine energies together. When this happens – regardless of gender or orientation, and regardless of whether you are fully clothed or in full intercourse – it’s like plugging in to a universal energy socket. Energy flows through you that is beyond comprehension. It is pleasure and love and joy that feeds every aspect of who we are.

And somewhere inside, we know that this is possible.


So… No, you’re not being Needy.

When what you desire is Divine Union with your partner, it is completely natural to continue to work towards that goal.

It isn’t a sign that you are lacking somehow. It’s a sign that you know that there is so much more.

It’s a sign that you are realizing just how far below our potential that we are living.

It’s a sign that you no longer want to settle for the emotionally empty relationships of previous generations.

It’s a sign that you want what’s really possible.

No more settling for morsels… when the whole buffet is before you.


Further Study:

These ideas of union live within us because they are what bring us so much joy. If you would like to pursue these ideas further, our Foundations for Tantric Intimacy course gives us the words to describe what we know is possible in relationships, creating either a new foundation for our next relationship or creates a deeper bond with the partner we have. Our Living in Masculine & Feminine Union course redefines what it means to truly connect and merge with others - romantically, with friends, children, and everyone we love.

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